Expansion News _______________
CLUB MEMEBER POSTINGS
area of the site is where members post their stories
or circumstances in hopes of connecting with other
members or people who may provide some encouragement.
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welcoming people to respond and comment.
you would like to post a story or comment to our
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is optional. Once your comments or story
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on this page.
Please only respond if you will be offering encouragement
or can relate to the person posting. And also remember
that the people who post are sharing because they
are reaching out for help, friendships, and understanding.
This is where the "Healing & Rebuilding"
process begins. Thanks you.
Empower me to use my Voice Please
I need help! Can someone please help me regain my
voice. I don't have one when it comes to those I view
as having authority over me. I have fogiven the abusers
in my past, Father, brother, ex-husband, and most
important, myself for re-creating the abuse patterns
in my life. But now that I hav moved past the unforgiveness
I am really having a problem asserting myself. I'm
educated, intelligent, and attractive woman, however,
when it comes to people in positions higher than mine,
or I perceive as a threat to me, I freeze!!
I recently realized that I remain the victim because
I do not know how to defend myself against the wrong
done. I mean I know all the laudeedau about "no
one can take your power" or "you are the
one who is in control of what I say, think, and do"
BUT it still does not allow me to voice my opinion
without feeling small, or feeling as though my answer
is not good enough. I'm actually tired of it! I want
to be as free speaking as OPRAH and as open as Hilary,
but I have not a clue how???
Recently I was placed into a position where I was
being asked to go along with unethical practices within
the workplace. I was so afrai of losing my job, (And
this has happened countless times in my recovery),
that I resort back to the little girl, don't say a
damn thing, get mad, and resign. I am left without
a job, yet feeling good because I know I did the right
thing, but WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING!!!!!! Ya know,
the abuse pattern, keepin' the damn secret safe, while
I am in pain. I need help to learn how to allow my
voice to be heard. I'm tired of hiding who I am. Thanks
I Want to Shine & Love Myself
am about desperate and really don't know where to
turn. I'm a survivor or child abuse/domestice violence
and don't know how to recover. I spent a few years
of my childhood with an abusive step father and then
grew up to date, eventually marry and have three kids
with my abuser. For 14 years which makes me feel real
stupid for putting up with it so long. I was beaten,
mentally and sexually abused in many ways. My children
watched it and my oldest (shes almost 19) in now in
a very controlling relationship. My other two kids
are angry children and i find myself crying about
everything. I did leave the situation six years ago
but still find myself crying, not trusting anyone,
can't seem to make a relationship work, can't keep
a job, have a hard time getting off the couch. I am
very hard on myself and have no self esteem. I don't
know where to turn to get help.
ruin all relationships i have had friends and boyfriends.
My kids and I get along but Its hard to be a mom and
say no when you don't have the strength to argue.
Im depressed, un happy and blame everyone. I can't
seem to stop talking about all the bad and see what
i do have. Look ive wasted 20 years of my life on
this crap and i want to get better. I am only 35 and
would like to have a good rest of my life. Im scared
to death to walk out my front door, i hate tension
and can't stand to have to go anywhere. It seems like
everything goes wrong and I need a job, currently
laid off from a job i worked with my exhusband for
a year and a half and i just can't get myself to go
back now that theres work again.
meet people and no one can handle me, I'm a mess,
they go away. Now i just lay it all out and front
and walk away from them. i can't do this anymore and
just want to let go of the past and move on with healing
and bettering myself before i waste another 20 years
feeling sorry for myself and never meet anyone else.
I need help bad and don't know the first place to
look since most things where i live are for the people
currently in d.v. relationships. please if you can
put me in the right direction. i want to shine and
A Poem by a Healing Club Member
is this man
that i have pledged
be free in our love
to be you
so i do
i am just me
nothing held back
all goes well
there is deep love
but in an instant he changes
what was it...
now he is pure anger
no word or action on my part
i cannot think
or pull from him
what i have done
to warrant this change
i look for any
sign of his love...
draw me to him
smooth the hair from my face
look at me with kindness
but also wretched fear
withdraw his love
and leave me?
He reminds me of Dr. Jekyl and
I don't even know where to begin really. I have been
in a relationship for 3 years and I love my fiance
so much. And I know that he loves me. He is very sweet
and attentive and affectionate, but he also has a
dark side and a bad temper. Whenever we fight he gets
most recent incident was over the weekend. I am still
sore today and am having flashbacks from that horrible
day. I can't even say that it was the worse fight
yet, but maybe it was? I thought I would google a
support group for victims maybe looking for answers
as to why he does this to me and why do I forgive
him each time it happens? He reminds me of Dr. Jekyl
and Mr. Hyde.
torn and not certain what to do. We have 1 child in
common and 3 from previous relationships. I don't
want to break up my home. Maybe if I post this I can
start talking to someone?
Lost Ability To Have Emotions
After Mental Abuse From My Father
was just wondering if others have lost their ability
to have emotions. My father was very abusive, mostly
mentally, but physically as well now and then. I say
this with no emotion. I don't look back at my abuse
with feelings, it is just something that happened.
When I was very young I chose to bury my anger. What
I didn't realize, at least for me, was that I buried
all emotions. I am 35 and never had a relationship.
I can't see loving anyone. I will illustrate something
to show how I am different. If someone most people
are close to died, they would be an emotional wreck;
I wouldn't be. I really don't think I love anyone,
but if a friend or family member died, I would just
think about how this affects me and what things I
need to do because of it. I would give a mental response
to the event. I know this, because my grandfather
died, and besides thinking, "why isn't this affecting
me in the least?", I was fine. I am just wondering
if anyone had a situation like mine, and eventually
was able to feel and develop intimacy? Thank you for
We Are Trying to Save Our Daughter
just found your site and I'm so happy. My 18 year
old daughter has been with this young man for one
year and we have watched her go from a vibrant, beautiful
"social butterfly" to this no friends, angry
"third world starved" young woman. We are
so heart broken and her being 18 we have little control
of the situation to offer advice or support to her.
When he came into our lives a year old he seemed like
a nice young man. However, he was a little"dark"
and came with some "baggage" which he would
not explain. He told us vast stories of how bad his
life was and how he was mistreated especially by his
Mother and we took him at his word.
when we finally talked to his Mom we found that his
"tale of woe" was a ruse to get "closer"
to our daughter. Then it started. We watched all her
friends disappear. Yes, they are still there, but
they barely talk to her as he is always there watching.
He hangs with our daughter and 1 other guy. That's
it. In fact, the other has a girlfriend, but she isn't
allowed to hangout with them as my daughter's boyfriend
doesn't like her. There are so many incidents from
this past year that I may post. I just was so glad
to find this as right now we are just so down. Tonight
we have made an appointment with a counselor to get
help...we need it so we can help her...but as much
as we hate to face it...it is her decision. We only
hope we can get her help before she emotionally disappears.
We are so sad.
I Want to Understand My Situation
feel as though I am being verbally and emotionally
abused by my husband. I have done much research and
have taken several "tests" to see if this
applies to me. I really think it has. It just puzzles
me because my husband is so nice to everyone else
and is a very liked person. I have felt that it was
just ME for years, and I would like to correspond
with others in a simi liar situation so that I can
understand all of this.
Man with no self confidence
or self esteem due to abuse from family
years I was emotionally and physically abused by my
father and older brother. I'm now a 46 year old man
with no self confidence or self esteem.
It seems that my father hated me from the moment I
was born. He already had one son; I guess he didn't
want another. He used me as his victim and scapegoat
until the day he died, and now my brother, who always
abused me anyway, is taking up the slack. I feel beaten
every day of my life. I still can't break with my
family though because I don't have the confidence
to go off on my own. You know the story.
My father always told me I wasn't any good. He called
my a stupid, ugly a-hole for years. He ran down every
idea I ever had. Ironically, he hated me, but wouldn't
let me go either. Every time I tried to move out,
he would scream at me that I would fail, and I believed
him. I had nothing to fight back with.
I come from a family of four, but never felt like
a member. I was always left out or singled out for
ridicule or other abuse. I was told to "have
a sense of humor" about myself. My property was
stolen or destroyed, and when I protested, I was told
to shut up. It was made very clear that I had no rights
and no expectations of respect. I was just a kid.
I believed it. I blamed myself.
I'm 46, and just starting to realize that I'm the
victim. I've been reading the other stories here.
I don't think I'll have to try to convince you that
I've been victimized. Thank you for reading this.
To Be There or Not to Be There
I am a troubled soul right now. For the most part,
I am a strong together person although I have been
through a lot of emotional, verbal, and at one time,
physical abuse that almost cost me my life. These
days, I am starting at the bottom again and don't
know which way to turn. My relationship has been going
on for a 22 months. It was great until about two months
ago. He is one of the sweetest people I have ever
met so the following is rather surprising. My other
committed a non violent crime. He has been in jail
for weeks now and there is a possibility that he may
get to come home with probation charges and fines.
Now I am scared because I don't know if I should give
him another chance or if he is even being sincere
about his remorse and his plan for when he gets out.
While in county lock up, he saw a psychiatrist and
they started him on medication for some mental disorders.
Part of me wants to run for the hills, but the other
part wants to be there for him, despite the fact that
my life is in shambles now because of the crime he
committed. When I sit back and think about it, I worry
about my clarity because of past abuse issues. I don't
want to be jaded, but I wonder if perhaps I already
am. Anyone who has suggestions about how to deal with
this would be truly appreciated. Thanks.
It's so hard to deal with the personality changes
I feel so stupid and crazy. But I have a higher education
and my counselor says I am not crazy. It is so hard
to understand how my husband's personality changes
and sometimes very quickly. He is almost irresistible
when he is being kind. But sooner or later, I say
or do something that makes him upset and he is very
hard on me. I would really appreciate some feedback
on this subject because he is out of the home now
and is being so nice to me. Thanks
I hate him, but I'm scared to leave
I have so much in common with so many of your stories.
I started dating my future husband when I was just
15 and married him at 21. He slapped me for the first
time the night before we married and our honeymoon
was miserable. I don't know why I am still with him.
Our 10 year anniversary is coming up and we have a
5 year old little boy. My family acts like I am crazy
when I complain about him. They tell me he could be
so much worse. But sometimes he is so mean to me I
cannot even think! He has called me every name there
is and he manipulates everything. It is all my fault,
anything that goes wrong.
just hate him but I am scared to leave. I am scared
someday my son will hate me for taking him away from
his dad. I am just so confused, I don't know which
end is up, I doubt everything I feel and think. I
don't know what to do. I have asked him to leave and
he won't. He doesn't drink or do drugs, he keeps a
job, he doesn't cheat. He is just terribly mean to
me and disrespectful and angry. He says I have problems
and am too sensitive and that he treats me better
than all his friends treat their wives. Help me!
I have a verbally & physically abusive mother
I'm 20 years old. I have a very controlling, verbally
and physically abusive mother. She is cold and dead
inside and her goal is to make me into the same selfish
demon she has become. She and my father both regret
my birth. I don't fit into their lives. They hate everyone,
including themselves. I've grown up in a dark, unloving
home. I'm isolated from my relatives. I'm not allowed
to wear jewelry, date, or see my own grandparents. I
harbor so much pain and hatred inside towards my mother
that I'll hurt myself just to avenge this bitter woman.
I look into the mirror and hate my resemblance to my
parents. I'm to the point where I want to die. I've
been suicidal since age 13, and it's only getting harder
to breathe. I'm experiencing severe panic attacks these
days, along with these vivid flashbacks that I can't
wake from very easily. (I've also been raped, but that
has nothing to do with my family situation). If anyone
has any advice or support we could share, I'm open.
I just want to breathe in and out like a normal person
should be able to do...
He's so emotionally abusive
I don't know what to do, I'm so confused. He's so
emotionally abusive, much worse than he's ever been
and I feel helpless. I know that I need to make him
leave for our children and for myself, but I feel
so weak. I know I'll be so much happier without him
and I know I made a huge mistake and this time when
he leaves I know now that I will never take him back.
I need better than this. I am better than this. (He
tells me how I feel is wrong, that I have a shitty
personality, when I cry and am hurt it's not because
of what he says to me...it's because of ME!!) I hate
this, I hate him. What should I do? How should I do
Please help, I feel so empty when he's here...he's
taking away my friends and family. Why do I keep going
back? I feel so stupid and insane for making myself
go through this again. I should've known. Someone,
anyone please respond and help me through this.
My kids are emotionally scarred
I have been divorced from my abusive husband for 15
years. We have 4 children, three girls and one boy.
I remarried three years after the divorce to a mild
mannered fellow. The abuse did not stop as my first
husband continued to harass me and the children and
then came into our home and attacked me, and then beat
up my second husband. My second husband was ill with
cancer of the prostate and diabetes at the time. He
never recovered emotionally from that experience.
He eventually left us and divorced me. He died one year
later. My son had become very attached to the second
husband (although the girls never did). My second husband
turned away from him when he left us, and broke my son's
heart. Three years after his death, and my son is now
20. I had to kick him out of the house because he has
become a drunk, he is selling marijuana, he has minor
skirmishes with the law and worst of all, I understand
that he is using and abusing women.
I am having a hard time emotionally dealing with how
screwed up my kids are from their childhood experience
and I am frustrated with what has happened to my son.
I Realize that I Don't Trust Anymore
of the other postings here nearly described my year
with my ex, 8
months living with him, yet they were full of physical
abuse as well and
ended with an assault that could have taken my life.
I thought I was going crazy too, he sounded so reasonable
and logical and
made me feel like an idiot.
in a whole new place now- it was only 6 months ago-
I'm in counseling,
go to a group, and have a group of friends who I can
turn to, and it's just
recently that I am realizing that I don't trust anymore,
that I expect to be
stabbed in the back by sup rise, that I don't fully
comprehend what happened
to me, how it happened and how it effects my life
now. It has in so many
ways and it's painful to see the effects. I have to
remind myself that it's
ok to feel the pain and hurt because then I can work
on pinpointing the
origin of those feelings and how to deal with them.
But it is very
depressing. It's all so complicated. Some days I am
overwhelmed and others
I am radiant with hope and joy for the future.
hardest part is not comprehending how it all affects
me and will affect
me. I feel like it wasn't me that all happened to,
but someone else. It's
difficult to state: He did this and it hurt me and
it was wrong. I sort of
feel lost. In some circles it's normal to get beaten,
in others it's
completely rare, the club beating was a culmination
of lifelong denial of
abuse and has made me stop and take a serious look
at what got me to that
point. It's not a pretty thing to look at.
nice just to find a site that shares this understanding.
through emotional cycles
have been through an emotionally abusive relationship.
I have been called names, been made to feel bad about
myself and made to feel guilty, the whole works.
It goes in cycles. 3 months he is ok with me. Then he
starts being nasty, trying to cause arguments etc. But
it is always my fault. Then he will start being nice
again, wanting to take me places, buy me things, etc.
and never wants to loose me.
I know the best thing for me is to keep right away.
We only got married last year, and when I look back,
it was done through emotional blackmail.
If anyone else has been through the same i would love
to hear from you.
haven't had a chance to heal
I ended an abusive relationship that lasted 5 years.
That was in 2000, it's now 2005. I never got formal
treatment, I just left and moved with my child across
the country. I've never been back and he has moved on
I just got through a 3 year long custody and child support
battle that I won. It's been about a year now since
that was finalized and since then I've gotten my life
together and will be attending law school in the Fall
of 2007. I took a year to be alone after leaving him,
and ended up in another relationship that lasted about
I feel like I haven't had a chance to heal. Although
on the outside everything looks great, I still think
the 5 years of abuse really took its toll on me and
I'm wondering if I should go get treatment or if everything
is really fine. The last relationship didn't work out,
but not because of abuse. He just wasn't "ready"
whatever that means. We have a son together and we are
totally involved together in raising him and do things
as a family for the kids sake. But, I think I have baggage
from my abusive relationship and now baggage from my
most recent relationship. I still hurt from my last
break up and I'm wondering if all this is normal?
I don't do drugs, don't smoke, no drinking (socially
at times) no illegal activity what so ever.
I don't know if I'm really okay? I wonder if I really
got passed the abuse without professional help?
"bipolar" husband is verbally abusive
Help me, I don't know if I'm in the right place. My
husband verbally abuses me when he's been drinking,
not to mention he has a bipolar disorder and refuses
any medication because he doesn't think anything is
wrong with him.
I've been threatened, yelled at and cursed at several
times. Called the police last night to have him removed.
Unfortunately putting a restraining order on him will
not get him the help he needs. Being his wife, I'm the
only one besides himself that can get him any help.
Please tell me if I am in the right place!
truly miss myself
Hello everyone. I am new to this site and very nervous.
However, I am very pleased to have found it.
years ago, I met the perfect man. He was attentive
and sweet. We could talk about anything, and we did.
Now that we have been married for five years, he doesn't
seem to care about my emotional needs. When I try
and talk to him, he constantly turns the table and
insists that I am doing something to him.
was once a "Free Spirit," but now I am stuck
at home, working all day (I work from home), and I
never get to communicate with anyone. I truly miss
I try and tell him how I am feeling, he quickly turns
on me. He gets angry and starts yelling. He tells
me that I am crazy, but I know I'm not. I raised two
well-adjusted sons and put them through college. I
did this alone. They are now on their own and I'm
very proud of them.
have considered leaving, but I keep trying to get
my husband to hear me. I have had no success to date.
I want to talk to someone that may be going through
Need to be emotionally sound when I leave
Hi...I am 37 yrs old
and have been married to an abusive man for 21 years.
The first 7 years he was very physical. I fled and
stayed gone for a year, things got hard financially,
emotionally, and life was hard just in general. We
ended up getting back together, things seemed OK at
first I had become pregnant with twins immediately.
Then his mood swings started, I would try to explain
to my kids and my friends that he was just in a bad
mood, now realizing I was just excusing his behavior
and even encouraging it.
husband worked out of town and was only home on the
weekends. I guess in my mind I had 5 days of peace
and I could manage through the weekends. so I did
for years. My children would always manage to have
plans to go spend the night at friends and such. I
have always been active, outgoing, and just happy.
4 years ago my doctor put me on anti-depressants.
I knew something wasn't right, but it wasn't something
I could explain or even share with others. I fought
the depression and started going to the gym and trying
to control it with the foods I ate, and it helped.
But he became more aggressive verbally.
made me quit my job, because he felt I needed to be
at home to take care of the more important things.
That was over a year ago, I have begged him to let
me go back to work, but he makes me feel self fish
for wanting to go back to work. My friends or family
don't come around because he makes them feel uncomfortable.
If I make plans to go visit he tells me you know I
don't like them, and if I go anyway, he finds anything
to complain about and will not show me any real affection
for a couple of weeks. He has threatened to take my
keys away, cut all my phones off.
In the past year I have become a bit of a hermit,
I feel isolated from friends, and uncomfortable around
people. The things I used to enjoy I am not interested
in them now. I have become someone I don't know and
I don't care to know. I could no longer cope with
my feeling of worthlessness. I couldn't deal with
his insults and demeaning attitude towards me I finally
went to him and asked if we could get some marriage
counseling. He told me he didn't need any counseling
he was not the one with the problem I was.
I started counseling ...things that I thought were
normal in a relationship, were not. I have been raped
by my husband I have been drug around the house by
my hair, I have been choked until I couldn't breath,
I have been told I am worthless as a mother a wife
and as a person.
What happens to a person to think that these things
are normal? Years and years of emotional abuse. Now
I am angry for what I have allowed him to do to me
and my self-esteem. I am on the road to recovery.
I am still battling depression, but I am strong-minded.
I am rebuilding my self-esteem rebuilding my mind.
I need to be emotionally sound for when I leave, for
my kids and for myself. My counselor is awesome and
has been through this herself. I know my life is going
in a new direction. Finally I feel there is hope and
help for me and others like me.
do I let go and move on?
I met a man 5 years ago and instantly fell in love.
Well, actually I
wanted to take it slow but he pushed it hard (hook
them in quick) and
it was so wonderful I didn't do what I wanted which
was to take some
time to date and figure out what I wanted. At 34 he
was my first love.
Anyway right off the bat something was wrong. We made
love and then
two days later when I wouldn't see him he came to
my house and was
freaking out asking to come in. I refused to let him
in and he left.
Then I stopped by his house. He was totally freaked
out. He pulled me
in the house and said I needed to hold him and tell
him it was ok. He
totally crazy and on a head trip. He scared me because
I was so afraid
he was a whacko. I ran. He yelled, "Don't leave
me" like some
injured person. It was so weird. I was shaking and
problem was that I was very attracted to him. He was
ever wanted. Successful, fun, romantic, a passionate
lover. I thought
we liked the same things and wanted the same things
in life. So I
eventually called him and that began the 4 year romance.
surface our romance was wonderful. The best in my
life as I had not
had good experiences in the past. There were red flags
though. He had
lived with his ex for 9 years and not committed to
her. He told me how
she was mean and self-centered. How he was so miserable
smoking pot and would cry himself to sleep. (oh and
by the way that is
eventually what he said about me. He blamed me for
his need to smoke
pot because I made him so miserable) He would use
manipulation to make
me feel bad. If I tried to have input on things to
work on on his
house he shut me down right away. He was clingy, he
wanted to spend
all his time with me. He would get weird about other
guys. He'd say
that guy was flirting with me or that he didn't want
me to hangout with
that guy afraid that I would run off with him. After
period of about 6 months he started putting me down
in such a subtle
way that I just didn't get that it was happening.
He'd be this
wonderful man that would do everything for me which
now I figure was
just a way of maintaining control by being indispensable
and making me
dependent on him. He devoted his life to me which
on one level was
flattering but on another it was obsessive.
tell me that I wasn't sensitive enough. That my mother
bitch and no wonder I had so many problems with my
anger which was
getting worse because every time I tried to have an
opinion or input he
would negate it and say things like "I'm the
engineer you just let me
take care of that". He would tell me what to
do and how to do it and
when I would get mad he would accuse me of being "the
angry one with
the problem". Towards the end he would bait me
to get me angry and
then use it as an excuse to say how bad I was and
how if I didn't
change he would leave me. He even jokingly put me
down and told me I
just didn't understand his sense of humor. He told
me maybe he needed
a scientific minded woman because then when he said
how to do something
she would agree with him.
instance toward the end was I threw a birthday party
The week before on his actual birthday I made him
a cake, got him a
present, and cooked him dinner. Then he wanted to
watch the basketball
game. I didn't. It was the one thing I just didn't
want to do with
him. All he remembered was that I didn't want to watch
the game and
then he did the silent punishment for a couple of
weeks which included
flirting with one of our friends and being totally
mesmerized by her
the entire evening at a birthday party I threw for
him. I thought he
was just punishing me. A week later he tried to break
up with me. I
talked him out of it and there was this look of triumph
control in his eyes.
was about controlling me. I'm strong willed and just
quite gave in but it did take a huge toll on my self-esteem.
back, I was tense, stressed out, angry, and physically
ill the entire 7
months we lived together before splitting. He was
assault. Two times when I wouldn't back down he got
this look of
intense rage and started to shake. It scared the hell
out of me and he
must of saw the look in my eyes because he said "Don't
look at me that
way" It was like he wanted to hit me or something.
It was like he was
about to loose control but didn't quite.
I finally just gave up. I couldn't be what he wanted.
emotionally drained. I was depressed and miserable.
I just couldn't
take it anymore. I was angry all the time. I cried
a lot. I was
reacting to other situations way out of proportion
to the situations.
He wanted me to give up the one thing I wouldn't give
up and put me
down for it. He was trying to isolate me but always
reasonable. But the real drag is I still blame myself.
If I hadn't
been so angry. If I hadn't been so busy. If I was
a better person he
wouldn't have left me. I know it isn't true but I
just can't seem to
get past the low self-esteem. Every time I think of
dating someone else
I get filled with anxiety, I get depressed and scared.
I think will I
be able to see if they are users and abusers? Will
I be the horrible
person he said I am? What do I do to recover? How
do I let go and
do I support a man who has been emotionally abused?
I am dating a man who
has been divorced for about 5 years. His ex's behavior
sounds emotionally abusive, though he has never right
out used the term.
I have started noticing him displaying some of the
exact behaviors he had the most difficulties with
when he was with her. I know that this sort of mimicry
often occurs in abuse survivors. He still maintains
a relationship with her through their children, and
has had at least one relationship in the interim that
was similarly abusive.
do I help and support him though this phase of his
healing without putting myself in danger or getting
too close to his triggers. He is in therapy, but doesn't
talk about it.
hurt more now that he's gone
I am now out of a violent marriage,
the divorce was final 5 months ago. He is in jail
for 2 1/2 years for what he did to me, his second
go around of the jail system. Trouble is I seem to
hurt more now that he is in jail, than I did while
I was married to him. I guess it is because then I
was so busy trying to survive that I just didn't feel
the hurt as much as now.
do have a restraining order for 6 years for myself
and our son (2 yrs) but he has broken it several times,
I seem to lack the want to call and report it. I miss
him so much, and yet I am positive that if he came
back home I will be dead in a matter of time. Yet
I want him back so much. The bad's were bad but the
goods were so extremely good. Anyway...I am trying
counseling, and journal a lot, I sometimes participate
in a really good divorce support on-line group, but
it doesn't reach the beaten down, broken person in
me that his violence inflicted on me (and I do know
the difference, my first marriage, 22 yr, ended from
repeated infidelities on his part, the second one
after 4 yrs only after he was going to jail and I
didn't know what else to do......)
want him. I am ridiculous to want him because he did
try to kill me several times...but I know him to be
good inside too....
am so confused and hurt and so tired of hurting. I
tried just going out with other men,(since the divorce),
but every time they even touch me in any way (my arm
or anything), or give me anything, or start to get
interested in me...my skin crawls and I have to run
for cover. I don't want to be alone for forever....but
I don't know how to heal either..
what do I do to regain sanity? I'm not stupid, I have
a BA in psych and religious studies...but I am incapable
of coherent thought .
learned to stop doubting myself
am struggling to believe i did the right thing, left
my home everything i own, trying to rebuild, closer
to my family but far from every other reality i've
been building stability on for my self and my 4 yr
miles away, and really trying to figure out how to
go back until tonight, i receive a phone call from
a man i know back there, whose ex is currently rooming
with my (abusive) ex, along with their 5 yr. old girl.
expressed every concern that i had ever had with the
integrity of my abusive ex partner. well, its taken
him about three weeks to see what it took me two years
to be live i was seeing. He asked me questions and
i told him everything. I told him that his instincts
were the thing to trust and that mine had told me
the same thing. He in fact was able to summarize my
doubts and fears better than i had.
We both felt that he was not safe around the little
girl. i mean, no one wants to accuse another of sexual
misconduct without good substantial proof. But, he's
so manipulative, such a great liar, wow. There can
only be these feelings, this instinct to keep your
daughter away from him. i left with my 2 kids, one
is our 1 yr old girl. i can never really express that
a vague but persistent worry has haunted me since
she was born.
Tonight i am thankful. I can stop doubting myself,
and next time i wont need some kind of back up to
trust myself. I just will. And i will have faith in
what is to come, because God is too creative to just
leave a life in what appears to be shambles.
Stop Believing in Yourself! (Encouragement
From A Survivor)
I met my husband when I was 14--he was 25. We married
when I graduated from high school at 17, and immediately
moved 2 1/2 hours from my family. He was my hero--I
was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by
my mother, and this wonderful human being saved me from
the hell I was living in. He was supportive, kind, and
gentle. He was everything I thought a husband should
I didn't have a driver's license, I had to depend
on him for everything until I turned 18. The day I
got my license I was so nervous I wasn't able to parallel
park--a standard with no power steering or brakes
that I had never driven before. As soon as we left
the DMV he pulled to the curb and told me that I WOULD
parallel park right here, right now. We'd been married
for less than 3 months at this time. It hurt my feelings,
but he told me I was just "being too sensitive."
I know everyone has heard this before, too.
moved apartments 4 times in less than 3 years. Every
time I would make friends and feel comfortable, we
moved, and somehow I would "lose" everyone's
phone numbers. I slowly became his whole world, and
without realizing it, he became mine. Which is exactly
what he wanted--where he wanted me. I didn't have
friends anymore, because every time I would make new
friends, he would run them off or they would stop
coming around because they couldn't stand the way
he treated me. I always said it was just because he
loved me so much that he wanted me with him all of
the time and didn't want to share me with anyone.
had been married to the same man for 15 years. Last
Friday, (June 24, '05) I left. I waited until he left
for work and took everything I thought I could get
away with. I saw a lawyer and served him papers. I
took half the bank account and had my direct deposit
switched through my company. I took our 8 year old
son. I have an apartment that I had a queen sized
bed, a TV and stand, and a twin bed. I had no idea
how I was going to survive on my own.
the people I worked with and know have seen my personality
with and without him. I now (by Wednesday of the next
week) have a washer and dryer, a complete bedroom
set for my son, a recliner, a dining room table, rugs,
towels, dishes, lamps--more than I ever thought possible.
STOP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF!!!
thought that I was worthless, that I could never make
it on my own, that no one else could ever love me
like he did, that I should stay and not "tear
our family apart." It's not easy. But I remember
the reason I left in the first place.
of you who need a hypothetical kick in the butt, remind
yourselves that you are WORTH LIVING FOR. And if you
think that the mind games will ever stop, especially
those of you with children, just remember this--I
have been a doormat my ENTIRE life. I've let pretty
much everyone walk all over me. But I have someone
that can't stand up for himself. I can do anything
the Road to Healing
I have been out of my
marriage for a year. I am just now realizing the effects
my ex's abuse had on me, mainly emotional and verbal.
I never realized I was abused while I was in the situation.
I am on the road to healing.
I was reading through the other stories and started
to cry because I could relate in one way or another
with everyone here. I currently live in a domestic
violence shelter in Oregon. I've been here for about
three weeks now. So far things seem to be getting
worse and I feel as if the only thing keeping me going
is my three kids, and they are wonderful kids. I'm
really grateful for that. I have a long history with
and I met in California thirteen years ago. I was
only nineteen. We had a child together back then who
is twelve now. After two years with him I left in
the middle of the night with my son and went to stay
in the most horrible shelter i've ever been in my
entire life. Due to circumstances, I ended up letting
him have custody of my son. After a year of trying
to make the visitation thing work I decided to relocate
to Seattle with the man I was dating (who also turned
out to be an abuser, but that's a whole different
married that man and had two more children before
we divorced. My son's father moved to Oregon and we
started to have contact again. Lured with the promises
of how good we could have been and how mistakes happen,
I moved to Oregon to be with him. Things went well
for awhile until he convinced me it was time to buy
a house. Money was a factor so he convinced me that
we should buy a ranch out in the middle of nowhere.
No power, no water, no house. This was around the
time he decided to quit his job as an accountant...and
start delivering the paper. LOL... I some point I
put my foot down and bought us a manufactured home
to put on the ranch. At the same time my doctor found
cancer on my cervix.
abuser refused to hire a moving crew saying that it
was too expensive. So, one week out of surgery there
I was underneath this house mounting axles and tires.
After that things just got worse...I was thoroughly
convinced that if i didn't do everything possible
that he wanted that I was a bad wife. Even his family(my
only support system here)believes this, because they
are strongly Christian and good wives support their
husbands and are submissive. ...But no one during
this hypocrisy ever seems to remember that i'm not
really married to him, he just likes to say that we
are for appearances. So anyway, it only gets worse
after I leave.
I've been gone now three weeks. completely uprooted
the kids and almost lost my job due to missing work.
Starting over. All the possessions I had, gone. I
took my car, some clothes, and the kids. My car has
since been vandalized and destroyed (any guesses on
who might be behind that?)
am well on my way back to self respect
I am 22 years old and I am a survivor of a 5 year
abusive relationship. The man was 17 years older than
me . I met him when I was seventeen and I thought
he was the most charming man in the world. He treated
me with respect. He took me out very often. He made
me feel like was the most important thing in the world
to him. He told me he loved me and I believed him.
About 1 year into the relationship I found out that
there was another woman. A girl that had was 20 and
had been with him since she was 12. He left me alone
for a while because the pressure was too grate but
he came back and told me he loved me and I believed
told me that it was over between them and that he
could not live with out me. Because I was inexperienced
he used sex to control me. It was the only way he
showed me he cared. he no longer took me out any more
. I was forced to stay in the house while he ran the
streets with women. When I questioned him about his
cheating I was beat or accused of being a whore and
a slut. On Monday I was his wife (or at least that
was the term he would used), however, on Wednesday
I was a slut ( accused of sleeping with everyone under
sad thing is after years of this emotional abuse I
really wanted to be with this man . I loved him and
I thought if I hung in there no matter what he would
change and be the same way he was when we first met.
The cheating and disrespect just was out of control
to the point where I felt as though being with him
was a competition. One girl would buy him a ring,
I would buy him a bracelet , the next would buy him
couldn't take it , he was using me. We now have a
1 year old child together and he is no longer in my
life. I have to be a example for me children . I had
to make a decision about my life and I chose happiness.
I will never let a man treat me that way again. It
will take a while to gain all my self respect back
but I am well on my way.
want to heal and take my life back
It's taken nearly 8 years, to work through the stages
of awareness to realization and courage to begin the
process of divorcing myself from the merry-go-round
of emotional and mental torture.
I am focusing, I am looking and researching help for
me, the victim, and not the why this is happening,
how to understand how he got like this, and how to
help him stop destroying my soul. I have to learn
how to rebuild and understand why I have been a victim.
How do I trust myself and have the faith and joy in
life I have lost, even forgotten. I know the glimmer
is there, but it is fading everyday I try to make
this marriage somehow work on the inside like it only
seems to be from the outside.
cruelties and intimidations have escalated over the
years, and especially this last year as I first began
to say no. I fear what will come when I file. I fear
what if come if I don't. I keep having feelings of
guilt because after all these years of researching
his stuff, I know he can't help it unless there is
a miracle in his perceptions, and I am giving up obsessing
on finding a path for him.
isn't a reality based reason to keep on keeping on.
I see how sick I have become, and I want healing and
my life back.
Abuse, please help. Will this only get worse?
Hi. I wish I knew where to start.
I'm 23 years old and newly married. My husband and
I met last August (04) and were married in November
(04). It was very fast as you can see. I need some
help and I'm very hesitant in even knowing what's
going on. We've been married now for only 6 months.
He lost his job about 2 weeks after we were married
and hasn't been able to get one since. (Partially
his fault, he isn't as motivated as some, and he is
extremely picky about where he wants to work.)
I don't discourage him, but try to be a motivator.
I've always been a very light-hearted, patient, and
tactful person. So I can never tell him he should
have a job by now, although I think he should. He
gets very depressed and from that seems to stem a
lot of anger. I'm really not sure. He doesn't like
to talk about it, or when he does he says he doesn't
know why he gets so angry.
He now lives away from family and his friends and
lives in my environment. We tried living in the state
where his family is from, but he didn't like that
either. He wanted a move and thought that might make
job hunting easier as well. No luck so far. He gets
so angry at the littlest things. So far he's never
laid a hand on me but I can't say that he never will.
I wish I could, but I truly don't know if he'd ever
get that angry. For example, the other day my brother
was having a house-warming party that started at 5.
My husband wanted to see a movie before it started,
and this was to start at 3:30. We got there and he
was muttering and driving insanely trying to find
a parking space. The whole time blaming me that we
were getting there right at 3:30. I told him while
he parked I'd get the tickets. I did, and had them
by 3:30. He walked up and didn't make eye contact
and with an icy tone said, "we might as well
just get the later tickets or not go at all."
I can't help but think how silly this sounds when
I recount the whole situation but it's the way it's
said and how often I'm blamed for such little things.
if we're late by a minute or two to something, or
he accidentally drops his keys or I forgot his notepad
at home I get yelled at, or the silent treatment,
or worse he will hit things. He punches walls, desks,
wall clocks. He's pulverized our couch because he
gets angry while playing play station games. Also,
I ask that he respect my wishes of not cursing or
at least to keep it to a minimum if possible (when
I say cursing I mean in a rage, cursing so that it
can be heard down the street over something so trivial
it shouldn't matter).
:( I'm sad writing this for how silly it all sounds,
but it affects me so much. I don't feel respected.
And I feel sooooo unhappy. What makes it worse, I
try and try to talk it out with him, and he goes into
a fit of how much he hates himself and how bad of
a husband he is, and how he doesn't do anything right.
I don't want to hear that either!!!! Sometimes he
says that I'm trying to change him, which I'm not,
I love him very much.... but I can't handle feeling
this sad and scared sometimes :( What can I do? Will
this only get worse? PLEASE HELP.
IS HELP (Encouragement)
My name is Trina and I am 31 years old and I have been
separated from my abusive spouse for 2 years.
believe I have went through every type of abuse you
can imagine during our 7 years of marriage. I went
through the physical abuse only twice, but it was
two times too many! The verbal and emotional abuse
was a daily occurrence. I have also went through social/economical
abuse where my husband would try to keep me isolated
from friends and family and had complete control over
family finances, to the point where I had to beg money
from him to get things I would need, including but
not limited to personal hygiene items or food.
felt depressed, and being a christian, I even began
to blame God for my predicament. I remember crying
in our bathroom while my husband was going through
one of his rages outside the locked bathroom door,
and I asked God, "Why am I going through this?
You said you loved your children! I NEVER did anything
to deserve this!! Why me??"
a long time, I didn't even realize I was in an abusive
relationship. He never actually hit me. His response
was grabbing me. When I finally realized that HE had
a serious problem and that it was never going to change
unless HE decided to make the change (which I knew
he wouldn't) I finally left. I told him that until
he truly gets help for his anger issues and makes
a lifetime commitment to get that help, our marriage
is over. Well, actually I said all of that in a "Dear
John" letter that I left behind when I left him.
I knew if I said it face to face, he would sweet talk
me into staying like he always had in the past. He
knew just how to work me. He would dangle "love"
in front of me, then snatch it back until he thought
I was "worthy" and deserved it.
know now it is a God given right for a woman to be
loved and cherished, not to be mistreated. If men
really read what that Bible TRULY says regarding how
a husband should treat his wife, there would be some
changed marriages out there. "Husbands, love
your wives as Christ loved the church" has SO
MUCH meaning. Christ loved the church so much He died
for it. And husbands are supposed to love their wives
the same way.
have built my self-esteem from the ground up again.
I still have my moments of doubt and insecurity, but
I've learned ways of getting past it. I now have taken
my experience to try and help others. I counsel women
who are going through this same things I did, letting
them know they do have options and they can make it
without the abuser. I also give domestic violence
lectures at a local high school (done 3 so far), trying
to reach the teens before they wind up in a situation
like I had been through. And if they find themselves
in that situation, THERE IS HELP! :)
you for letting me share my story. Anyone that wants
to email me or needs someone to just listen, feel
free to email me. :)
with poor self-image
For two and a half years I was in a verbally abusive
relationship. My self-esteem was drained and I no longer
was really able to trust anyone, even my friends and
family for fear of judgment.
I have been out of the relationship for over a year
now but I am still struggling with my poor self image.
I naively thought that once I left the relationship
everything would dissolve, but it hasn't. I blame my
insecurities on really trivial things and feel like
I have no one to talk too. My friends have been supportive
but I feel so bad for always burdening them with my
issues and I fear that I am driving them away.
I am just wondering if anyone one has any advice on
how I can begin to heal and feel good about myself and
Thanks for listening
I’m a 47 year old woman and I think the internet
is very helpful. If the internet was available when
I was younger and still struggling through the worst
part of my recovery, I don’t think I would have
suffered as much. The silence I endured was deafening.
I’d like to share my story briefly. When I
was 9 years old, my dad died suddenly of a brain aneurism.
Ten months later, my mom re-married and my new stepfather
physically and emotionally tortured my brothers and
me on a daily basis for nearly seven years. Mom watched
him, defended him and at times even participated with
him in the abuse. When I was twelve years old, my
mother and stepfather decided to
divorce during a “heat of the moment”
situation. Moments later, my mother prodded me to
ask him to stay. Wanting desperately to please my
mother, I did as she instructed. My stepfather did
stay and he escalated his violence towards my brothers
From that moment on, my mother and my brothers blamed
me for every beating, all of our abuse and every choice
and decision my mother ever made.
When my mother and stepfather finally did divorce,
mom continued to date/marry & divorce a string
of abusive men; all of whom abused my younger siblings.
I tried to help them, but everyone in my family
attacked and blamed me.
Long into my adulthood, I struggled with healing
amidst the pressure from others to forgive and forget.
The constant pressure to forgive my mother greatly
interfered with my recovery. I needed my story validated.
I needed the time to get angry, to mourn and to protect
myself and my siblings from further abuse. Yet, no
one would acknowledge my abuse and every one continued
to blame me. After more than a decade of struggling
to heal and forgive, I gave up on forgiving, severed
all ties with my family and set a course for recovery.
I have finally reached a place of “emotional
freedom”. It’s been more than 12 years
since I have seen my family; yet, after putting myself
first, self-preservation first and healing first,
I am finally at a more peaceful and forgiving place.
Since I was always looking for help with my situation
and my recovery was the biggest struggle of my life,
I wrote the book I was always looking for and fortunately,
a publisher picked it up. I hope it helps others.
Let me know if it does.
Heal and Forgive: Forgiveness in the Face of Abuse,
by Nancy Richards with a foreword by Rev. Dr. Marie
M. Fortune chronicles my story of abuse, my struggle
to heal and forgive and ultimately guides the reader
through the necessary steps to achieve forgiveness
the face of abuse.
more information: http://www.bluedolphinpublishing.com/HealForgive.html
has magical powers over me
My husband and I are separated now, with a no contact
order in effect. I am worried that I will take him back.
He has some sort of magical powers over me or something.
I know there are nice guys out there, so why is this
is harming my self-esteem
I have been married for 15 years we have an 11-year
old son and a 9-year old daughter. My husband was
recently arrested, fined, and jailed for 48 hours
for touching unconsenting women, which has a name-paraphilias-Frotteurism.
There had been things in the past with my sisters
and a friend but i had no idea that he was doing this
to other women in public places. When he was caught
he lied to me about the whole thing. He plead guilty
quickly so that i would not find out. An anonymous
caller informed me that my husband was arrested-not
him-he lied and said that he had pushed someone. He
has lied to me over many things in the past but this
time i made him leave and go back to his mom's. I'm
34 and he is 33. Over the years he has emotionally
abused me with controlling where i go, who i talk
to, and a lot of things that I didn't i didn't even
realize that he was controlling.
manipulates me. I am depressed and have been started
on Zoloft and Xanax. He also was started on Zoloft.
He is getting psychiatric help and so i am. Our psychologist
that i agreed to go to said that maybe we could try
to date again. Okay we tried this and he ended up
staying here again even though he knew it wasn't what
i wanted. I made him leave again 2 days ago. I told
him that I needed space and some time to think this
out but he will not leave me alone. He calls me every
day and comes to my kids' ball games in the evenings
not to watch them but more to be with me. He is still
trying to control and manipulate me. I have low self-esteem
and have always given into his dominant personality.
begs me and cries and even though it breaks my heart
I know that I need some time away from him and this
has to stop. I don't want to have to get a restraining
order. He says that he will stay away from me, but
he doesn't, and I'm not sure that he ever will. He
has broken my heart and my trust. He says that he
will change but doesn't seem to understand that this
will take time. How can i make him understand what
this has done to me? Don't know what to do, sometimes
i still just want to give in to make him happy, but
realize this isn't going to make me happy. I do love
him i think, but he won't even give me time to see
if i do or not.
advice would be greatly appreciated. He is controlling
our son in the same manner sometimes and i see that
it is starting to harm my kids self-esteem even. How
do you make it stop without getting drastic?
has cut me off from all of my friends
I am a 37 yr. old mother of 2 and married to a man I
once thought was the most wonderful, sweetest man I
had ever met. We met online and all went very well.
I made the trip over here to meet him in person and
just as we discussed on the phone...we wanted to get
married. I went back home to arrange everything and
after 4 months had moved here with my kids.
then he has pretty much cut me off from all my friends,
is hardly ever home, controls all the money and has
managed to make me feel like I'm less than nothing!
As a single mother before I didn't have much but now
if I leave I will have even less. I can't find a job
in this country because by their standards; I'm too
old. I don't think it's fair to keep moving the kids
from one country to the next. Moving here has already
put them one year behind in school because of the
language issue and if we were to go back they would
be even further behind because their english is now
really bad. The option of staying here is minimal
since I am not a native. Most of the abuse from him
is verbal but he has hit me in the past. The last
time being just 3 days prior to last christmas and
I still have bumps from that one. He has also threatened
to kill me and at times I almost wish he would so
I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore but I refuse
to leave my kids behind with him.
advice or anyone willing to lend their ear just to
listen would be nice. Thank you and take care all!
20 times. How do I stay out?
I have been living thru this cycle for 9 years now.
I know better; I work in Law enforcement. I cannot seem
to get out and stay out. We have a 6 year old together.
I would have bet my paycheck that he would not have
hit me again; its been since she was a newborn, but
last night he did. The hardest he ever did. I thought
he broke my jaw; the crazy thing is I went to work within
45 minutes of this. You have no idea how it affects
your job to be in this, so you don't tell. I am thinking
of ditching this whole profession, packing up and moving
across the country to live with my brother and his family(which
includes my 20 year old son) I have left him at least
20 times in the past 9 years. How do you stay out???
I am desperate!! I actually had to counsel this woman
on 911 about getting out last night felt like a hypocrite!!
Years in the Dark
I am 19 years old, and having a hard time dealing
with my past.
when i was in second grade, my mother pulled me out
of a private school and began "home schooling"
me. the truth of the situation, however, was that
she just stopped schooling me altogether. i had never
been a normal child...was never allowed to have friends
over after school...go anywhere at all without a parent,
even my own backyard, but when my mother pulled me
out of school,...all contact with the outside world
ceased. i was forced to stay inside at all times,
i was not even allowed to walk in front of windows
during school hours, and on the rare occasion that
my mother did remove me from the house...say, for
a doctor visit about every three years or so, she
told me to duck down in the seat until we were well
out of our neighborhood, and then, depending upon
what town we were in, i was told to say that i went
to a different school. this practice of lying and
isolation made it impossible for me to have friends,
or anything approaching a normal life. i feel that
my social skills have been severely stunted...and
am extremely bitter about having lost my entire childhood
(age 7 to 17) do not know what to do with all these
feelings. Please help! Thank you.
just need someone to listen
I have been searching
for a support group off and on for a while. I just
need a place to go when I need someone to listen.
Quick replies welcome.
need suggestions on venting my anger
I have just recently began counseling and group counseling
for domestic violence. My abuse (or so I am now seeing
it as abuse) was almost all verbal. My son, who is 20
now, was verbally and physically abused at times. I
have an 18 year old daughter who I owe everything to.
If it were not for her, I am sure I would still be living
with my soon-to-be ex. We did leave after my son was
pushed into the wall in March of 2004. We went back
in approximately May of 2004 to try things again. I
could see things were going downhill in about a month
or so. I just for some reason did not have the guts
to leave. In November of this year my daughter told
me that if I did not leave she was--with or without
me. That just hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized
then how much I was putting my kids through and myself.
I have had no idea how all this emotional abuse is about
my soon to be ex. I lived in this life not knowing any
different. He has done everything he can to continue
to hurt and control me--including having me get an unpaid
leave from my job. I have so much anger in me towards
him but I honestly don't know how to vent it. I have
always been the person who tried to please everyone.
Can anyone out there give me some suggestions on dealing
and venting my anger. I want it to come out but I really
don't know how.
am Very Depressed and I don't know where to turn
Hello--I am 31 years old and have been with the same
man for 10 years. We have four children together (one
in heaven). He is mean, verbally, he calls me all
kinds of names. He calls me fat, ugly, lazy, stupid.
In the ten years we have been together, he has never
ever once told me I looked nice, or I was beautiful.
He has hit me, kicked me, pushed me, left bruises,
and he once told me he wishes I'd kill myself so he
didn't have to go to prison.
Lately, he has been better, he tries to control his
anger, he only calls names and gets mad over everything.
Am I crazy or what? Either I am crazy or he is really
good at turning things around to be my fault. I am
very depressed and I don't know where to turn, I just
need someone to talk to. I can't tell my mom anything
cause she's mom, she will always take my side no matter
what. Someone help me, I am going to lose my mind.
don't want him anymore but I don't want to be by myself
My name is Michelle
and I am a 34 year old woman with an 8 year old daughter.
I have lost of feeling for my husband because of 17
years of emotional abuse. He has hit me a few times
but for the most part it was emotional. I tried to
leave him 3 times so far this year. I hate my life
and I hate this fear of being alone. I don't want
him anymore but I don't want to be by myself either.
I have told him many times that I don't love him anymore,
he cries and begs and I give in. I stay here out of
guilt and fear. Guilt of breaking up our family and
Fear of being al alone.
I'm so tired of it all.
I would appreciate any feedback from any ladies who
have been in my position.
For Support from Healing Club Members
Hello, I would like
to know more about how your support system works because
I lived in an abusive relationship and only just am
beginning to understand the effects that it took on
need help, in that when I feel bad, I would like to
talk to other people, men or woman, to feel a common
denominator in that they would understand where I
am coming from.
a Shattered Shell of my Former Self
I am finally awake to
the fact that the man I married last June does not
love me. He married me for the money from the sale
of my house. He has abused me in every way possible,
on every level. I feel shattered. I'm a shell of my
former self. I was fooled by the carrots of love and
a wonderful life together that he dangled out of my
reach since I met him. And this is after 7 years of
recovery from my first abusive marriage. I am in therapy,
but I can barely get through the day any longer. I'm
trying so hard to hold on, at least for the sake of
my children, but this emotional pain is unbearable.
If anyone can offer support, I'd be very grateful.
are on our own!
I don't wanna play house...
There are 3 beautiful little girls that have to be
proud we are on our own again. The littlest is a month
old. My four year old came home from school a couple
weeks ago and asked me to do her a favor and get her
a daddy for a father daughter craft activity. My 12
year old is getting at that age where she really needs
to know that when someone says they love you, they
would never hurt you. Sometimes I know my girls wish
things were the way they were before but "before"
was scary. I hope I'm doing the right thing for all
I am 29 years old, recently divorced from a physically
and emotionally abusive man. We were together for
a total of 8 1/2 years and married for 3. I have an
order of protection against him and have had no contact
since June 1, 2004, however I am having trouble healing
from everything that's happened. I still feel weak
at times, though I know that leaving him has been
liberating for me. I find myself reliving bad memories
and sometimes when this happens, I get emotional at
inappropriate times, such as at work, in a meeting,
etc. I just want some type of closure and wish to
talk to others who have similar experiences.
Does it Hurt so much?
I have known for a long time
that I am in an abusive relationship (of the verbal
controlling kind). I don't understand why I got into
it in the first place and why I can't get out of it.
have just spent the last hour or so reading about
abusive relationships and need help. I believe I love
the man, but am not married to him and we don't even
live in the same country. I want to know why it hurst
so much. Where do I even start to get over it?
the road to healing
I have been out of my marriage for a year. I am just
now realizing the effects my ex's abuse had on me,
mainly emotional and verbal. I never realized I was
abused while I was in the situation. I am on the road
to healing. Laura
person I met over a year ago has always been quite
nice to me. He's been generous, affectionate, and
there for me. He has a problem with taking pieces
of my jewelry and putting them in places in my house
where he knows I will find them eventually, or not.
I blame him for taking them, and he tells me that
I'm the one that doesn't know what I'm doing with
my jewelry, and I misplace them, and then there is
anger. He is driving me totally crazy by telling me
that I have a problem and he is the innocent one.
We then breakup and then he calls me in tears. I just
don't know what this kind of behavior is all about.
I have hidden my jewelry, but he seems to find it.
I don't keep pearl earrings in the bag of cosmetic
sponges in my bath vanity! Carol
years of emotional abuse
need support to get out of a 12 year emotional abusive
relationship. The physical abuse has stopped, but
depression now i sink into i know is caused by staying
in this false dream of him changing too long.
live apart, but loneliness because my self esteem
is down keeps me dependant on this false dream i live
to break the silence
trying to break the silence. Don't want to turn my
life upside down unnecessarily, but need someone to
talk to. Have very little time to access help.
Comment to members
had been a victim of abuse/violence when I was growing
up. I have been subjected to various types of violence
such as physically, sexually and mental. I am currently
living with my fiance and we are expecting our first
child in about 2 weeks. I am currently going to school
for psychology and plan to help those who have been
victims themselves. I am on my journey of healing,
but much still needs to be overcome. I believe God
has brought me through this, and I will turn the negative
experiences into positive.
support and encouragement
am just now realizing that the relationship I'm in
has signs of becoming an abusive one, and have decided
to leave it. I need some support and encouragement.
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